Saturday, 16 October 2021

Time changes everything and nothing.

Something happened this week and I mentioned it to friends and work colleagues, if I'm honest looking for empathy, sympathy and a massive dose of shared outrage.  That didn't happen, people said "who?" and when I explained "oh, who was Mark?" and that is a the most massive head f*ck.  Why would they know?  I've moved house, moved jobs and they know the me that is in a relationship with Craig, not Mark.  They know a different person to the person I was pre 2015 and a very very different person to the one I was in 2016.  

I never had the privilege of being able to fall in a heap and I didn't, only two friends saw me break (and possibly the postman when he drove past and I was howling in the car in a lay-by).  I wouldn't change what I did then or how I live my life now.  

When your partner dies everyone has an opinion on how you live your life, they judge, dating included of course.  Eventually acquaintances dished out the platitude "Mark would have wanted you to meet someone else" and I'd cringe a little and roll my eyes.  Maybe, maybe not (interesting conversation one night when I'd found a lump and casually said "oh well, if this kills me, crack on and meet someone else" - lets just say it did not go down well!!)  In my head I say "he doesn't get an opinion, he's dead" but the years when I had absolutely no filter (common in widows) have gone and I don't actually say it.  He would however have been proud of me.  

What no one realises until it happens to them is the broken guilt of loving and wanting the future that is in front of you – even though you couldn’t have had it without the loss of the person behind you. 

"Talk to the heartbroken ones.  

They will teach you what is real, how to live alone.  

How to finish 

And how to start all over again."  

Life Tales | Sahil Verma

Japanese water gardens

A wee stroll at Stobo today.

Monday, 11 October 2021

Home International

Scotland win the home international, best turned out team and are second in the Celtic challenge.   Chamfron Colorado best Novice in the Celtic challenge and a grade 1 - what a cracking end to his and Jessica's first competitive endurance season!

Best entrance!

 Laura and Gemma's fabulous wedding last night.

Saturday, 9 October 2021

Girl Power

Chamfron Firefly winning a 60cm a few weeks ago and Chamfron Paloma at the WES Nationals. 

Saturday, 25 September 2021

And this week...

Jessica has received her snazzy team gear ready for next month and Rebecca has qualified for the National Hunter Trials with a placing at Gleneagles on Chamfron Firefly.

Friday, 24 September 2021

Spotted on my travels (13)

Or things you see when you are out looking at trees!  Firstly the Scottish Korean War Memorial which comprises a small wooden pagoda, surrounded by 110 Korean pine trees (one for every ten Britons who died in the conflict) and 1090 birch trees (one for each of the fallen).  The traditional Korean pagoda contains a list of those who died in the conflict.

Further up the hill is Witchcraig Wall, the wall was constructed in 2003 and illustrates the geological variety of central Scotland, with 43 different stones from places that can be seen from this view point.

Then lastly (after "deer of the day" of course!) Cairnpapple henge monument – a rare class of Neolithic ceremonial monument. The broad summit of Cairnpapple Hill was a significant site for ceremonies and burials for at least 4,000 years, The reconstruction of the burial cairn was done in the early 1950s, effectively adding a concrete dome (which you can enter when it is open).